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Mass hysterica and our culture of fear

My friend writes in another friend’s livejournal today:

None of us are safe you know. I’ve been to two school fetes this weekend and I wasn’t searched at either of them. If that isn’t just asking for trouble I don’t know what is…

I reply:

You are joking?! If I’m not stopped and frisked at least three times on the way home from work today, I’m going to phone the FBI!*

I can’t help but think that there’s a terrible lot of fussing going on about nothing here, and I’m not saying that just because I’m a Child of the Troubles. For starters, I would be a lot more convinced of the validity of the Critical Terror Threat if the cars in London had been loaded with Semtex, for example. I can’t see how gas (particularly that amount) could have blown up half the city; and I’m pretty sure the handful of nails found at the scene couldn’t have done too much damage either. Of course, I could be wrong.

In any case, I think that everyone should just calm down, and save their energy for when Al Queda really threaten to strike. Because byjaysus, you can be sure that they will.

That’s all I have to say on the matter. Thank you.

– –

* To which my friend replies:

We were talking about national security, not your sexual deviances…

Yes, but that’s a whole other matter entirely!

Miguel from Edinburgh seeking unstable woman for drama driven love/hate relationship

Miguel, here, sounds like great craic! The ‘ad’ is copied from Gumtree Edinburgh. I’m not sure I meet Miguel’s rather stringent criteria (thankfully) but I’m sure I have friends who do. Man, who doesn’t! I want to reply to him to congratulate him for being so fantastically ironic and tongue-in-cheek, but I think I’ll refrain. Perhaps you’ll do it for me. I wonder if anyone will actually reply with serious intentions? I do hope so!

Quote:

Hi there,

I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Miguel , I live in Edinburgh , I’m 25 years old, Fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that – I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion – but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party – or if we’re lucky – both!

You should:

* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanising sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:

* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder – or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best,

Miguel x

ps This advert is in recognition of the big neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can see except me.

End quote. Tee hee.

Hilarious spam

I’ve just received this spam mail (into my university account, bizarrely). I had to repost it because I’ve never had one like this before.

Hello!!!

How are you? My name is Liliya. I am 26 years old. I live in Russia, city Youshkar-Ola. I am cheerful woman, and like to do many things as sport, camping, go to the cinema, theatre etc. In a word I like to do all what like all people. I work in marketing structure on sale of cosmetics. My dream this travel abroad. I know the english language well enough.. I began to study english language approximately one year ago. I wish tell to you history which have pushed me write to you. 8 months ago I have got acquainted with the man from other country by name Justin. During this time we had good relations. We have understood that our relations become serious and we have decided to meet in his country. I wrote the application for reception the visa. I waited reception of the visa approximately half of year. All time I kept in touch with Justin through the internet and often called to each other. I and Justin waited reception of the visa to our meeting.

I have received the invitation from the ambassador for reception of the visa. My director has given me long-term holiday from work and I have gone to Moscow to receive the visa. I informed good news to Justin, but he has answered, that does not want our meeting. He played with me. He has informed that has the wife with two children and at all has no plans to meet me. I was not ready to such turn of events. I could not think what even after 8 months of acquaintance he can so unscrupulously act with me. Now I am in Moscow trip to Moscow and reception of visa. I do not want that all was gone for nothing and will be glad if my visa will be useful to our meeting. I could arrive already through 4-5 days, but a problem in that that now I have no man which would like my arrival. Probable it will silly sound but if you will be interested in a meeting with the good woman I shall like to meet you sometime soon! As Justin was dishonest with me I have decided to find the man which is interested to meet the woman from Russia. I do not know your ideas about my letter, but it would be fine if we could meet and have some weeks or months together. On my trip I want to receive rest from my work and a life in Russia. Also the basic purpose for the future it is search good men for serious attitudes which go to a marriage. I have no children, but I want to have children in the future. I am the mature woman and ready to creation of family with good man. I do not know what you really search in the future but if we could meet I shall be happy to discuss with you more about our meeting. What are you going to do this time? It would be fine if we could meet, do friendship or more than simply friendship. I shall be happy if you also have a free time and we could meet soon. I do not know your interests, but anyhow write to me back and I shall tell to you more about myself. Write to me all that you want. Maybe we have similar plans and it will be interesting to us together.

You can write all that you want. Ask any questions which interest you.Write to me back and I shall tell more about myself and send more my photos.

Please, write to me back on my regular e-mail: shiroko@bk.ru (The email actually came from jehr@melody.demon.co.uk)

Have a good day, Liliya.

Huh? What exactly is the point of this? What’s in it for ‘Liliya’? She didn’t ask for any money or account details, so I’m not sure what she’s after. Perhaps she seduces the ‘man which is interested to meet the woman from Russia’ and then gets the cash? I’m not sure how this scam works, exactly. But it made me laugh anyway: I always admire the time these spammers take to spin their yarns to try to gain your attentions and sympathies.

However, if any of you are good men who want to meet a good woman from Russia and have serious attitudes which go to a marriage, then don’t let me stop you like…

Blogging’s dead – it’s all about the other life

Blogging’s on the way out, apparently. ‘Oh no, how will I ever meet anyone interesting again?’, was my reaction to this. Seriously, how would I?

According to the Stamford-based consultancy, 20m people have already stopped updating their blogs, while the 100m expected to keep plugging away represent those who still reckon they have something to say, and still think other people are keen to hear it.

The claim that all bloggers are egomaniacs is quite true, but it misses the point that ALL humans are egomaniacs.

Ooops, I do hope that category doesn’t somehow include me (although this viewpoint does make sorry sense). In the same article, the writer talks about something that reminds me of something else called Second Life which is, as my housemate described this morning, ‘a slightly more interesting way of instant messaging’. You create a ’second life’ for yourself (it does exactly what it says on the tin) that’s presumably more interesting and exciting than the one you have currently. You can be whatever you want, I believe, and your friends can too. You and they can transport yourselves into this alternative reality all day everyday and, erm, do stuff there. Why not, I suppose.

Frankly, though, I don’t have enough time to deal with the current reality I have, so I’m not sure at all why I would want to create another one for myself in which I’m, say, a 6′ 2″ supermodel (currently, I’m just a 5′ 4″ supermodel) who goes to all the best places and has all the best fun with all the best money. Or, say, a feisty attitude-d rock star with a worrying but interesting drug habit and mental health condition and nothing better to do. In fact, I could think of nothing worse; particularly if this prediction is anything to go by.

Here’s how I see it working. Every slife has a value, but some are more attention-worthy than others. Fifty grumpy old men probably won’t get the fanbase that one cheerleader might, for instance. So a market will develop – pay cash, pay more interesting chunks of your own day, contribute group feeds from your buddies – anything to gain access to those higher-credit lives. Fans will buy monthly subscriptions to higher-prized slifes, amateurs will stream their slifes for free, popular amateur sites will be rewarded for their real time – real-life soap opera with big bucks in advertising revenue – and, slowly but surely, every square inch of urbanised land, every minute of every day, will be criss-crossed by point-streaming recorders of all that they see and all that they do. At school, at work, in the shower, in bed, watching, being watched – a consensual Big Brother state, Orwell’s and Endemol’s coinciding. The death of privacy, the death, almost as a side-effect, of telly, too.

But, whatever floats your boat! This would likely sink mine.

I’ll stick with the blogging. I like the words: using words to convey ideas (even if they’re only interesting to yourself) is a much harder job than building a big house with a swimming pool on the Interweb any day.

Or so we all thought in 2006.