The Pausers

I’m a little astounded that, on only my third post since I resumed blogging, I’m not only about to repeat myself but I’m going to talk again about bad acting. But I’m going to do it anyway; astoundanation bedamned. A week or so ago, I posted this entry about Tudors star Jonathon Rhys Myers. I noted that, in his role as an ageing Henry VIII, he’d taken to lowering his voice to a unseemly level and pausing (for God knows what) every couple of words. It was taking approximately twice as long for him to say every sentence as it would take any of the rest of us. It is very possible, of course, they didn’t have enough script so his pausing was strategic, but we all know that’s not true. I’ve just watched the last episode of season four and, thankfully, the last episode ever. So chronically dreadful was Myers’ performance in this episode that I sat on my couch willing with all my might that the King of England, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, Head of the Church Of England1 would just die already and put us and him out of all our misery.2 It was flipping torturous, even if the wonderful Anne Boleyn did make a brief appearance (head reattached). I was embarrassed for him, as I have been frequently during this season. I very much imagine that his colleagues must have been behind the scenes on the set laughing and saying, “What the hell is Jonny at? Do you think he’s having some sort of stroke?!” Horrendous!

I have an acting tip for Mr. Myers right here. When you go to, say, a restaurant, would you order thusly:

I would like the

Ceasar salad

but go easy on

the croutons.

No, no, you fucking wouldn’t. So why is it acceptable to punctuate so absolutely needlessly when you’re pretending to be Henry VIII?! The old charmer sounded like a busy man, to be honest, burning all those heretics and beheading all those traitors, so I’m sure he just spat out whatever it was. Henry VIII was no pauser! You, my friend, sounded like a bollocks.

1 Commander of the Sun, Ruler of the Kingdom of Tortoises, Emperor of all that is Good and Purple… Christ, I thought he was never going to finish.
2 He did die eventually by the way. Yes, Henry VIII = dead now and, with any luck, Jonathon Rhys Myers = out of work actor now.

9 responses to “The Pausers

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