In brief: we’re all doomed!

Flipping ‘eck peeps! (Hat-tip to soupemes.)

A huge earthquake will herald the end of the world and the destruction of mankind tomorrow, an evangelical Christian leader is warning. The head of a US Christian broadcaster says he is certain the apocalypse is upon us and may watch the drama unfold at home on television. The theory is that those worth saving will go to heaven while the rest of humanity will be left to face oblivion after a day of judgement — beginning at 7am in the UK — accompanied by the second coming of Christ.

I had no idea! If I had known that, as of Sunday (approx.), I was going to have to stalk the ravaged earth to find food and shelter, I wouldn’t have spent all day today marking. No way! I would have, you know, stocked up on tinned goods and stuff. This is shocking.

I’m done for! So says Harold Camping anyway. I’m putting myself in the “not worth saving” camp, you see. I think you need to be card-carrying god-botherer to get in t’other camp.

Man alive. And I really wanted a lie-in tomorrow too. I’ve been working really hard! But now I have to be up at the crack of flipping dawn to catch the apocalypse! (I know that I’m not going to survive – though that does depend on my foraging skillz, I suppose – but I don’t want to miss the apocalypse. It’ll be, like, huge!

Anyway, I hear you all scoffing but it IS going to happen. Yer man up there says so. (Not, not Jeebus! Harold Camping!) He’s all about the apocalypse, apparently.

There is no possibility that it will not happen because all of our information comes from the Bible.

Indeed, Harold. See you on the other side, dude! Or, you know, not…

21 responses to “In brief: we’re all doomed!

  1. He twisted so many scriptures to make his predictions over all these decades of failed predictions, etc. . .that I am really really upset that he considers himself a Christian at all. He added and changed so many things in the Bible. I’m so sad for all the people he led to believe in his ideals. He has made his own religion.

    • Victoria, it is good to hear a Christian criticise the nonsense that this conman spouted. So many people gave him their money and time and I’ve even seen news reports of a mother who tried to kill her children and then herself because she was convinced that the end times were here. Murder\suicide being a better option that waiting to see, apparently.

  2. Wot. No Rapture? There’s a surprise.

    When asked what he would do if (when?) the rapture didn’t happen he replied that there was no chance of that. That even doubting that the rapture wouldn’t happen would make God angry and he’d not point his heavenly hoover at you. Those were his exact words. Probably.

    On a slightly more serious note does anyone think that this will change the minds of the next gullible generation who believe a religious conman like Camping? There have been dozens of predictions for the end times over the last century and each one of them has failed to end the world (obviously). Honestly people really should stop believing this crap and not get sucked in by the false promises of religions.

    Yeah, I know, fat chance. Till next year when the Mayan prediction fails to come true and we go through the same load of rubbish again.

    • Hover, I hope that this nonsense has received sufficient coverage (and obviously been proven as nonsense) that the next generation WILL see through it. I know that we really enjoy these stories because, well, we can take the mick but there are thousands (millions?) of people out there who are probably very upset and confused today. What DO you do, exactly, when everything you believed in turns out to be a load of lies?

      • What I do when I am proven wrong is to adjust my position to account for the facts. That is because I try really hard to only believe things that are falsifiable. Not that I always succeed. 😉

        What I expect the gullible to do is to make excuses so that they can retain their precious beliefs. Maybe he got the date wrong (like last time), maybe God changed his mind, maybe he was angry that people knew the date so he changed it. Excuse after excuse but no real change in their position. I find it quite sad actually.

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