A huge earthquake will herald the end of the world and the destruction of mankind tomorrow, an evangelical Christian leader is warning. The head of a US Christian broadcaster says he is certain the apocalypse is upon us and may watch the drama unfold at home on television. The theory is that those worth saving will go to heaven while the rest of humanity will be left to face oblivion after a day of judgement — beginning at 7am in the UK — accompanied by the second coming of Christ.
I had no idea! If I had known that, as of Sunday (approx.), I was going to have to stalk the ravaged earth to find food and shelter, I wouldn’t have spent all day today marking. No way! I would have, you know, stocked up on tinned goods and stuff. This is shocking.
I’m done for! So says Harold Camping anyway. I’m putting myself in the “not worth saving” camp, you see. I think you need to be card-carrying god-botherer to get in t’other camp.
Man alive. And I really wanted a lie-in tomorrow too. I’ve been working really hard! But now I have to be up at the crack of flipping dawn to catch the apocalypse! (I know that I’m not going to survive – though that does depend on my foraging skillz, I suppose – but I don’t want to miss the apocalypse. It’ll be, like, huge!
Anyway, I hear you all scoffing but it IS going to happen. Yer man up there says so. (Not, not Jeebus! Harold Camping!) He’s all about the apocalypse, apparently.
There is no possibility that it will not happen because all of our information comes from the Bible.
Indeed, Harold. See you on the other side, dude! Or, you know, not…